so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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