meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
