No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You ate ashes out of my bong
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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