She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
