Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
