Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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