His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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