Pappa wants mamma naked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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