I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
