I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
