I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize