I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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