I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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