i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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