if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize