Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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