It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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