He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
