i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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