Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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