i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
