But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
