When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
