I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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