everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
