no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
