that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
