the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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