I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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