just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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