It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
