All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
