I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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