I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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