just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
