We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
