I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
