I hate all girls vehemently.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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