I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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