No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
