dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
