kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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