my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never underestimate the power of titties
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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