I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize