she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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