why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
