There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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