Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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