I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
