So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
where are my eyebrows?
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