My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
