Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
