Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
