thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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