You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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