just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
