literally had 100 drinks last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
