masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
