Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
