Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
