he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
