Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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