but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
